Search Engine Optimization

Hi all,

I will be using this old blog of mine to practice and learn more about Search Engine Optimization. its been a long time since my last post and I've probably gotten over all the past rubbish which looks idiotic and funny looking back from now.

Anyway, hope to keep in touch with all of you soon.

WOOTS~ 1st day of March 2012~~ Take Care~

升学辅导营之终

四年前，我被邀请参加了一个非常有意义的活动也就是第十三届升学辅导营。我很开心能参加那一届的辅导营，它让我有机会带给中学生关于大学的生活大学的点点滴滴。鼓励他们升学和升学之道。很荣幸的也认识了很多新朋友，一些我会永远当兄弟的朋友！第十三届升学辅导营梦宝屋，我当了纪律组和一位美女Luciana做排挡。

第十四届展翅耕心，我觉得自己更成熟了。认识了更多新朋友尤其是团康组的成员，也增加了几个好兄弟。也有了打麻将的脚！哈哈！可能因为高层是之前一届一起玩过的朋友所以合作起来非常的开心好玩~ 印象最深刻的升学辅导营！我当了辅导员兼纪律助手而和我排挡的辅导员是秋虹，我的组是心安神宁。

第十五届你懂了吗？，因为我将要实习了所以没有担任重要的职位也觉得有点别冷落了但是自找的。哈哈！也不错，玩的很开心因为很多事情都是临时靠自己决定。茫茫的过去了~ 我当了总务兼膳食组还有纪律。我们都是MPC = Multi Purpose Committee。

第十六届人囧人启航，我没机会参加。因为将要毕业了而且有了工作，营长觉得还是让给年轻人。我了解也没怨言。筹委会也被否决参与，态毒滥了。或许我的不开心太明显了，让人家都很抗拒我去生活营。但我想着应该是我最后一次参加了，不去将会后悔！去了也肯定会悲剧。但我刚好没工作就去了，训练营两天都去看看。生活营每天都去看，顺便去玩。还不错啦，虽然有点尴尬因为是我一个人去。我不想有遗憾因为我将离开古晋也不知道几时还会有机会看到与参与这样的活动！最后一天，我和一群营委和旧营委呈现了uni life这个环节的表演~ 哈哈！这整个生活营对我的终点就是这里了~ 虽然不是营委，也有许多营员在facebook加了我。还不错~

这几天因为生活营而觉得很悲~ 或许其他人认为我很小气或是无聊，我不理。因为我觉得我还可以也还想所以我去参加了。那些让我很生气很毒滥的人，算了。。。我原谅你们，你们或许有苦衷但是把我的最后一次参加生活营的机会抹煞掉。我会避忌你们一辈子了。当兄弟当朋友也不过如此，我当你们是朋友兄弟也许你们只把我当过路人。现实的生活，我又上了一课！

这个post完之后，升学辅导营将是我人生的历史之一了。也许我有很多对某些人的怨言没有把它写出来因为没人会理。我相信四年四届四次参加与参与这项有意义的生活营，我也成长了！谢谢每一届的生活营的营长和筹委会让我有机会参与。所认识的朋友们，你们加油吧！新的营委们，接下来就是靠你们了！

“你们懂了吗？囧人启航需要展翅耕心才能达到梦宝之屋！你们的梦想未来，你们做主！”

哈哈，突然又联想到~

“要到达梦宝之屋需要展翅耕心，你懂了吗？之后就是囧人启航了~ 一定行的！”

囧

这几天的心情真的很囧！在这里发泄就把它忘了，某些人某些事情也就算了。。。参加了三年的活动，就在今年让我离开了它。。。沉重沉闷的心情。。。也许因为我要离开古晋了，去年帮忙推动启动的活动。。。我被遗弃了，遗弃就算了因为我不是大学生了。我了解但是连筹委会我都没有被问要不要参加，我自动去问却被奚落。去参观也觉得没意义了，感觉没有人欢迎。。。像过街老鼠！他妈的~ 好囧！！！

Time

Time to get the boat rocking, focus on doing my things and getting life in shape. Wasting minimum time as I've already wasted alot of my time doing nothing for the past few months. I enjoyed myself alot i guess, online gaming, going around meeting up with friends and stuff but it is time to move on. Next phase in life would be work.

Recently, I was insulted for quitting the 16th NVEC by a someone I considered a friend. I didn't want to argue with him over the reason why I did not join the camp but I'm just gonna state it here. I was supposed to hold a position in organizing the camp but however due to the fact that I was working at that time, the camp director told me that its better to give the position to a younger candidate who is still studying. Thus, I was removed from my position. I understand the stand point of the camp director and I still offered my services because I really wanted to join the camp. Truth be told, I felt like I started the whole wave which led to the election of the camp director who was quite reluctant to accept the position then. I did not receive any info on the camp for awhile so I went around asking, everyone's answer was it was all okay. So I felt like I was getting left out, in the end I was not even asked to join the organizing committee. Guess what, the organizing committee only has 1 person =.=" I asked to join but was dissed and sneered at. LoL!! wtf!! Insulted and hurt for no fucking reason. Part of me felt so damn disappointed with what had happened. I guess I am not welcome to the NVEC as I hope I was.

But I've recently sms-ed the camp director and offered my services again. Hopefully I get to do something and help out at least. My last participation in something that holds meaning to me. Haha, I need to get packing and ready my stuff. A new journey starts next week~

To those who do read this, thanks alot for reading my blog. Haha. I do not update daily nor do I share much except for my frustration and resentment to the world. I just need a place to funnel all these frustration.

2 Months

Its going to be 2 months since I've left my previous job and having a long holiday from work and pressure. Undecided as ever over the next step. I've come to terms that its either now or never. Although I don't feel that I've wasted my past 2 months enjoying and relaxing but people keeps remind me of that. Then again, who are they and what do they know. Haha. Feeling hype and good about myself although I was feeling pathetic a few weeks ago due to the pressure and expectations others have been pressuring me with. Then I started to shut myself away from everything. I stopped facebook, MSN, QQ and due to my already faulty mobile phone was unable to be contacted. It felt so quiet and serene all of the sudden, everything else doesn't really matter anymore. I just wanted to have fun and enjoy. For others, 2 months might be a long time for someone my age but I am not just someone. I am a person who lives life to enjoy it.

So I've finally gotten a place to stay at Singapore and will be booking my flight tickets tonight. I'v reached the point of lazy to wait and worry while I can just do it. I've always contemplated about losing what has already been lost or was never mine to begin with. I'll always have friends and family though in due time, I might lose contact with them. But then again, I'll always make new friends and the world is a small small place. Being optimistic and happy go lucky was what others always said of me, I miss that side of me. The crazy and don't care about consequences type of me. Just do it. Its the Nike slogan but I just love it. Plans will never come true by just planning, thinking or discussing, you must take action and JUST DO IT. LoL~~

Okay, play time over... woots~

Lost

I've been thinking for the past few days of what I want and where I want to be in the next few years. The only thing that popped up in my mind is a bright blue sky. Empty vision of a sky. What does that mean? I don't know whether it was inbred or it was due to the influence of my childhood. I don't seem to aspire for anything, I've always went with the flow of life. From primary school to secondary and then university. It was all meant to be. I was just a person doing things what others think were appropriate. I've never done anything crazy yet by far. I've tried living my life being honest to myself and hold the same towards others. Nonetheless, it was just a fictitious world that I live in. Looking back on my life and realizing that part of it was preplanned. There were no life changing decisions made, no hard times nor crazy time. I lived a normal and simple life. I think I might be psychotic because in some sense, there are things that people feel strongly about but where as I just don't want to care or I'd say I'm numb about life. I seek out excitement with roller coaster rides but none seem to make me feel alive.

This might seem like a gloomy and dark post but that's what I see life at the moment. Contemplating about the unknown future and constantly doubting my own worth. Underestimating my own abilities and capabilities is one of my very big weaknesses. I got so bored of doing nothing everyday that I spent hours online playing Facebook and trying to chat up with people to the point that I think I've manage to annoyed them till they start to ignore me. Dubious to the fact that I've reached the ripe old age of entering society and earning my own keep, I've manage to stay subtle in where I am at the moment. I remember telling a good friend of mine that I wanted to get lost in life as that time I was too certain of my future that I wish I lost it all. Guess my wish came true, I'm really lost at the moment of what I should do. I always second guess or delay and rethink decisions made. Sometimes I really miss the old me. I always tell myself that one day, I'll be someone that matters. Then I'll look back at the 2 months of blackness and darkness of my life (these past 2 months) and say phew.... at least I got over it.

I tend to think too far ahead when I've haven't even made the first move. TOO far down the road that it scares me into retreating from the first step. I wish I had someone to talk to and relieve all this nonsense and get some sensible advice or motivation. Everyone is too caught up with their life that I instead became the listener to their problems. I wouldn't say that I'm a good listener but at least I try to listen whenever I can and not distracted by the mood I am in. No one has to suffer because of my moodiness, thats what I thought. I do not really have faith although I do believe in Jesus and Christianity but not to the brink of devoting myself and my whole life into Christ. I've read the bible because of the stories not because of the teaching it holds. I was more interested in the stories of life rather than what each phrase or verse meant. So sometimes I do envy those with zealous faith in their religion. Its not something easy to do, putting all your faith your heart your everything into something.

Well, the main point of this blog was to say.... I AM LOST!!!!! I do not know what to do!! Uncertain about my future and what the next step will contain. Everyone edging me to take the next step.... Tired....

深重的考虑

I know I shouldn't be doing this online but... what da heck

I've been seriously lost and confused with what I want to do with my life. I guess I've gotten to the point of life where I am at the crossroads with what to do with the rest of my life. I've never been enthusiastic about life and everything around me. I don't have a hobby, I don't even have things that I like or even things that I prefer. If you ask me, I'd say I'm an empty soul maybe that's why I can easily adapt and catch on to things because I am empty. Ever since last year during my practicum, I have been already contemplating on what my next step will be. I had never even thought of working in Malaysia and was always aiming to work in Singapore. However, due to some personal reasons that I've always regretted about. I came back to Kuching to do my practicum and after that I was stuck here. I tried applying for jobs in KL and Penang but have not heard any reply so far. I've sent alot of resumes to alot of local companies but none have replied. I guess I was taken aback or felt set back and disappointed.

When my convocation which was supposed to be in April got delayed until October, I made my mind to quit my job and seek out a new job over in Singapore. I didn't plan on when to go because I felt like I should relax myself first before putting myself into a brand new environment. I wasn't ready. During this period, I tried getting into a relationship which I was doom to fail. I guess I was just too single-minded and naive. The girl I liked and was going after was frequently hanging out with another guy. I asked whether he was her bf but she told me no and he was chasing her as I am. They've been going out for some time as I saw quite a number of pics with them holding hands or hugging each other. I was disheartened and decimated so I confronted the situation and got myself an answer that I knew I'd regret getting but at least it was enlightening. Although the feeling was brief, I got scarred pretty badly. Sidetracked....

I've been pretty stressed and annoyed by the fact of my friends being so damn annoying ever since I've quit my job. They've been non-stop asking me why am I not working or when are you gonna find a job or a lot of questions wanting me to get a job. I came to the point that I had to tell them off for bugging me with all those damn question. But some of them still keep asking me the question. I know you guys care but can you all stop asking those damn question for just a few weeks. I just need to relax and breathe! My mum gave me a time limit of 1 month to get myself a job but I'm way over the dateline because I still can't find it in me to get a job.

I went to Singapore for 6 days to relax and feel out the environment, it was fun and exciting. However, ever since I got back from Singapore, the questioning intensified. When are you going to Singapore? Why are you still here? Argh~~~~~~~~ Sometimes I wish I was back in UUM and during midnight when everyone was asleep, I'd walk around the hostel smoking and clearing my head. The environment is very quiet and good for clearing my head. The air is refreshing as well despite the stench of bird shit all over my hostel grounds. A few days after Singapore, I went to Kampung Assum in Borneo Highlands hoping to relax and enjoy the scenery. Too bad I end up spending the days over there celebrating the birthday of my friend's father and the re-dedication of their kampung's chapel. I drank, I danced, I smoked, I made friends and I got drunk. My body felt sore all over after that.... Haha, not quite the type of relaxation I was hoping for but it was fun nonetheless.

After I got back from Borneo Highland, the questions came again but at a smaller scale. Guess my friends knew better than to plague me with those questions again and again. I made a rush decision and contacted my friend in Singapore and asking whether I could stay over at his place while I job hunt. I never decided on the date of when I was going over. At first, I rushed into thinking 8 May, 1 day just after the polling day in Singapore. But I felt so damn uncertain then I put it off until 15 May. I was still thinking and thinking and undecided as I am. I put it off again. I am now thinking of going over on 20 May but then today I got an offer from UUM to pursue PhD. I've been thinking and thinking ever since I got the offer letter. Some of my friends gave constructive advice while some were the type that you tell them you're thinking about this then they fully support this then when you tell them about something else and they support something else. I know you all support me in whatever I do. I am in need of advice or at least some opinions or views not just blatant support on whatever I say.

I've considered the 2 options I have at the moment, to pursue my studies or just go get a job. If I pursue my studies, I'll be taking up 2 - 5 years and will be bearing a cost of roughly RM6000 per semester including hostel and living expenses that is if my research proposal is accepted. 2nd option, go for a job hunt in Singapore and the future is uncertain. Don't know where my life will lead to if I go Singapore as I have no plans for the future. I'd think working for a few years and if luck is on my side, I'll get a job that allows me to travel and work at the same time. That's what I've been aiming for an ideal job.

I'm tempted to take up the offer of continuing my studies at PhD level because this is a once in a life time chance which many would just do it if were in my position. However, the expenses and pressure to excel is what I'm worried about. I don't want to burden my mum anymore than she is with my brother's education fees. I think I know what decision I will make. Its just that I feel like I'm giving up a damn good chance to excel personally and in a broader sense. Getting a doctorate has always been one of my aims in life but not at such an early stage. It came too sudden and too fast. Still feeling undecided and confused.